I felt TERRIBLE about practice this week. I skated so well in the days before practice, but then when Tuesday rolled around, my psychotic anxiety caught up to me and I wouldn't try anything. And then I felt like such a big pussy of a failure. I don't know what the hell I was doing, but I was way off and have been angry about it ever since. ( Though yes, Jayme, I am kind of proud of myself for keeping up with the insanely long pace line...I just should have tried actually DOING the drills.) I guess every time won't be great...got a bad one out of the way so I know how to fight it off next time, right?
So then this happened:
Dislocated my thumb joint. Yeah, I fell wrong...again.
Though I'm that boiling pot of spaghetti on your stove, whose starchy, burning water is about to explode all over the cook top...spaghetti tastes good after it's drained and cooked. (What?!?!) I'll be back to my normal, yummy goodness in a week, in other words. And I'm sorry if I kill, maim, scream at, punch, tongue lash anyone during my 'cooking' time.
I think it's time to go plant a gnome. I generally do it in the Fall (lest the gnome be bothered by the warm temperatures), but Psycho-Kate needs a diversion. Anyone in?!?!
sounds like you might need a little drinky drink my sweet friend. hang in there - the moving madness will be over before you know it!
ReplyDelete"my (normal person) anxiety caught up to me but I clearly set it in its place as I skated about a million laps hanging onto the pace line without giving up." <--- is that what you meant?
ReplyDeleteA little bit of anxiety is good. It helps you focus and turn on your A-game.
Speaking of "psychotic anxiety" why am I nervous about the skills test even though Im reasonably prepared (knock on wood). Ummm because its important to me. It probably seems crazy to folks who think Im a good skater but its still scary. Either because I want it, or because failing would mean I put it all out there and came up short. I think its reasonable to feel anxious.
And why are you so stuck on doing the drills? May I ask? You went from visiting in sneakers, to showing up with skates and rolling around the outer lanes, to jumping into the pack and working on endurance. Thats an accomplishment. We have all been skating for much longer. You're not super comfortable in a pack (please see insert of thumb). Thats ok. You have time. Get in the drill next time if you want.
Set realistic goals. Be flexible. AND Don't overlook the progress you are making. If you still feel like you came up short, breathe deep and let that drive you further next time.
In closing: at least you show up. It took me something around 18 months to walk in the door.... Now that could be labelled as "psychotic anxiety"!!
I injured my thumb from falling a few times in a row on it at a hard concrete floor bout. I kept re-injuring each time I fell until I finally got pro-design wrist guards. They were $55, so super pricey, but I haven't had a problem since, so definitely worth it.
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