(As per usual, this will be a very Nashville Rollergirls biased and quite poorly written bout recap. In, fact, I wouldn't even call it a recap so much as a semi-snarky spew of quippy (<--I made a new word!) gushing about my favorite team.)
I'm not much for a long play by play of every jam and to be honest, I kinda sorta missed large chunks of the two bouts as I was having myself a raucously entertaining time volunteering in the ticket booth. But really all we need to know are the scores, and I'll fill in the rest:
Nashville Music City Brawl Stars: 167
Rollergirls of Southern Indiana: 107
Nashville Music City All Stars: 171
Santa Cruz Derby Girls: 49
Jammers, thanks for all those points. Y'all did a phenomenal job, but you know what?...you usually get all the credit. Let me tell you a little story I will entitle,
"Holy Blocking, Batman!: The Story of Why NRG Won Both Bouts as Told Through the Lenses of a Bunch of Badass Photographers." Now this is just a summary, the Kindle version will be out in June of never.
Starting with the Nashville Music City Brawl Stars vs. Rollergirls of Southern Indiana, Exhibit A:
The ROSI jammer is very successfully trapped by a
Hippy-Ki-Yay/Rocco Sock'em power sandwich. First I just have to point out that Rocco's hair is always so beguilingly tousled and so damn shiny in every bout photo. How, Rocco...really, how do you do that?!?! Second, it is so thrilling to watch the Brawls finding their groove as a team. I've mentioned it before, but over half of them are rookies this year...it's vets like Hippy and Rocco serving as solid anchors making this team become so powerful.
Next we have a fine demonstration from the illustriously badass,
Cindy Lou Ferrigno:
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| Photo by Josh Vaughn |
Yes, this would be Cindy Lou of the infamous
Vette City Ass Slap incident. Miss ROSI jammer there is bracing for the inevitable...Cindy Lou is a freaking legend of fury. Aided by team co-captain
Electra Cal and veteran Brawl
Suzy Ho'Maker... I just wish there was a photo of the aftermath of this hit.
Forget the aftermath though, now let's talk about a wind-up, shall we?
As I promised in her interview,
Devask8Her showed up in all her glory and knocked some bitches down!! This photo demonstrates a simple lesson in physics, about the "transfer of energy". BAM!!!
Finally, the pièce de résistance...
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| Photo by Josh Vaughn |
OOoooohhh Girrrrllll!!!
Demoness you are a freaking goddess. I don't even need to say more about this photo.
Brawls win.
Moving on to the NRG Music City All stars vs. Santa Cruz Derby Girls...here's a story within the story called,
"How to Gain and Maintain a 100+ Point Lead in 7 Not Entirely Simple Steps."
Step 1: Get a saucy Brit to join your league.
Union Jack-U-Up of the stripey blue socks is an unassuming powerhouse of whoop-ass. See that girl's shoulder all taped up? Jack was the cause of that earlier in the bout. (yeah, that last part's not true.)
Step 2: When in doubt, shoulder someone in the boob! Okay, that probably didn't happen on purpose, but I just have to note,
Maulin Monroe is terrifying. If I ever get into one of those situations, where I'm a little tipsy and start accidentally getting a little too friendly with a guy who may or may not be attached to a beefy blonde with fakies and she starts clawing me with her acrylic nails...I'd want Maulin next to me to put the beatdown on Titty McGee.
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| Photo by Mark Duncan |
Step 3: Recruit a former speed skater with mile-long legs to sit on some jammers for you. Rambo Sambo's off having herself a nice little stroll into lead jammer position thanks to the mad ninja blocking of my buddy Curse Practitioner. Curse is just a modest surprise of human wrecking ball badassery. "Hey, look how sweet and innocent I am...and now I'm going to hurtle my razor hip into your quad....DEAD LEG!!!"
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| Photo by Mark Duncan |
Steps 4 & 5: Slammylou Harris...Oh sweet lord, yes, she was so crazy she gets two photos. She's a NRG legend anyway, but this night in particular she was so damn feisty, she decided to just go ahead and attempt to destroy everyone...and she did so, successfully. The sheer frustration, on the Santa Cruz faces at her perfectly legal and effective antics was priceless.
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| Photo by Josh Vaughn |
This photo stunningly demonstrates what is a Slamster signature move. She mohawked her little ass all over those jammers so effectively, one sat down in the middle of the track and cried out of vexation and another stamped her damn truck in half (of course, I might have made that up.) Regardless of what really happened, an eloquent direct exclamation from our very own Rambo pretty much sums it up: "Seriously though, Slammy was f*cking amazing!" Indeed, Bo...indeed.
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| Photo by Josh Vaughn |
Step 6: Speaking of ol' Rambo, who threatens me with violent maiming if I don't discuss her awesomeness (not lying this time....except, I am.)...let's take a moment to reflect on the wonderment of the dual function jammer. She's a freaking animal, this one. "Oh hey, opposing jammer, you think you want to score points in my wake? How about I give you a shoulder Heimlich instead?!" (I <3 her, it's true.)
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| Photo by Daniel Whitaker |
Step 7: The Scrapper. At the end of the 2011 season,
Stampeedee Gonzales was faced with the overwhelming challenge of being a last-minute fill-in for the All Stars at the WFTDA regionals and champs. Peedee didn't just fill the roll, she created her own significant groove as a blocker for the All Stars.
A fantastic night of winning for Nashville, that I'm told continued well on into the after party pub crawl. Naked Karaoke anyone? As always, though, the whole roster should be mentioned in this recap for their phenomenal work... Onto the next!!!
Enjoyable reading as always!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!
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